Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Combined Life Insurance

It's just a familiar story until it happens to you. And now that it is over, it doesn't seem so bad.

After work today, unable to located the paycheck I was going to go cash, I settled down on my futon to drink some soda, flip through some library books and watch some tv-on-dvd. Suddenly!

There was a knock on my door.

Now, granted, if he thinks I'm home, my mailman will knock, but his is a pleasant knock-knock-kna-knock-knock, and this knock seemed to have an agenda. Perhaps I heard it wrong, so I opened the door tentatively.

Also, it should be noted that this morning I noticed that the rear window of my crazy neighbor (who attacked one of my perfectly sane neighbors) had been smashed. For this reason, I was also hesitant to open my door. Perhaps she would blame me, and try to kill me.

But no, just two men in suits. Clean looking. Jehovah's Witnesses? Maybe. I can handle them.

So I give them a moment of my time, and they ask how they were fortunate enough to catch me home at this hour.
-Well, you see, I am a substitute teacher. Four pm isn't an unreasonable time to be home.

Before they get into their schpeal, they ask me if they can step inside for a moment.

I've always been polite, and it was really cold out, and I felt too awkward to tell them that I wasn't comfortable with that. The next thing I know, these two men are inside my not-clean-enough-for-visitors house, spreading their insurance plan on my coffee table, sitting in the only place on my futon that isn't covered with library books and magazines. After I sit through the whole bit, asking questions when necessary (sorry Jackie, no pre-existing condition coverage), I assure the men that I am well insured. CDPHP. I'm not going to need their plan. To this, the one doing all the rambling whips out a laminated article from the Times Union Feb 2005 discussing Insurance Companies going bankrupt. Or something like that. He did a lot of yammering while pointing to numbers in the article.
-No, really, I'm insured up the Wazoo. I understand that you have this to offer, but I have really good health insurance, and life insurance, and everything else.

To be polite, and considerate for my friends who could maybe use some insurance, I ask him to leave me some literature. Apparently since the policy is so low, they do not advertise. They have no literature to leave me. He also tells me that he doesn't think I understand, that theirs isn't really life insurance or health insurance, it is more of an accident insurance. What will be more valuable if I had an accident and was unable to work and pay my small bills? $2 a week in the bank or $75 a day?
-I think at that point, I could borrow some money from my savings, or from my mom. Honestly, it doesn't cost me that much to live.
Oh, oh, but surely you are saving to live more comfortably. You wouldn't want to jeopardize that.
-I live pretty modestly. I don't imagine ever wanting it differently. I like making things. It doesn't really cost anything to make things.
Well alright.
-So I'm not going to do this. You have no literature to leave me?
No, we have a website.
{Goes to leave}
So what is it, combined.com?

The one who has been doing all the yammering is pissed, and the other one seems to feel bad and shakes my hand and tells me to have a nice day.

Way to shove yourself into my house. Also, who goes around before 5pm knocking on doors? What sort of clientele are you looking for?

I'm beginning to understand the feeling of having one's home violated.

1 comment:

Picked Off said...

spiel, darling. you're so not yiddish.