Bullshit

"You're too beautiful for that buuulllllllshit," he says to me.

The 'bullshit' being his misguided interpretation of a facet of my most sacred emotional bond.

This 'bullshit,' determined after having known me for less than a day. After accusing me of lying about every personal detail I shared.  After questioning me about banal objects and accusing me of hiding some sentimental truth.

The only bullshit here, sir,  is telling me my business like you know me.

... and if you really understood me, you'd realize it's bullshit to determine what I deserve by my physical appearance.

One Day I'll Be a Respected Educator

I thought that once I lost some weight I'd stop getting comments about how young I look. I was convinced it was the moon face that gave me a student-like appearance, but I've lost 25 lbs and I'm certainly not free from the offhanded comments that grit on me so.

Today I started a long term sub position in my favorite elementary school. It's only one day a week, because someone else is working the rest of the days and can't do Thursdays I guess. I wouldn't complain (as it gives me something to put on my resume) except that I've lost tooo many leave positions on account of not being able to be somewhere for 5 days because of grad school. Of all the days for the rest of the school year, I only have uncancelable duties on one! I could have done this entire leave position. Oh well. 

I decided to start each class super positive. Instead of telling the students what I wanted them to do, how they should behave, what I don't allow, I just told them how much I like working at that school and how respectful and quiet and polite all the students are and how much I was looking forward to working with them and having them follow directions and seeing what sort of awesome artwork they'd come up with. (Perhaps you've heard of the experiment in which two groups of students are given candies and one is instructed on how they need to be more cleanly while the other is praised for being cleanly. The latter group ends up throwing their wrappers neatly in the trash can while the former tends to litter quite a bit. This sort of idea.) It was working pretty well until one class started piping up about how not quiet or good they were. I had to switch on my stern teacher voice and be firm about that I expected they would do their very best to be. 

Enough pedagogy.

I'm in the middle of teaching a lesson about how to draw a barn (I was informed at 10pm the night before that I had to make my own lesson plans, so we do something uncomplicated) and I'm walking around the room checking that all the kids are in the right spot when one pipes up: "YOU LOOK YOUNG!"

You know how much I hate to be told that. Especially from people who are questioning whether or not they should respect my authority. Especially when I'm teaching at a public school. 

I shut her down with a "are you supposed to be talking right now?" and the question did not come up again. 

Later in the class I'm demonstrating simplistic barnyard animals. I've drawn a cartoon chicken and two styles of simplified pig. I tell them that they're free to draw any other animal that is farm appropriate that they'd like. A student asks me to draw a horse, but I was never one of those horse girls, I never spent a lot of time looking at horses or caring about horses and so I can't really whip out a horse without having one to look at. And I don't have one to look at. 

"I can't really draw a horse, " I say, and then proceed to draw this crappy horse head with all the other crappy animals I've drawn: 

A girl on the other side of the room calls out, "So you're not an art teacher?"

Not only am I an art teacher, but for the rest of the year I am HER art teacher. MFA and NYS Certified. I. Am. An. Art. Teacher.

"I am an art teacher," I respond with feigned confusion.

"But, like, not a real art teacher."

"I am a real art teacher."

"But not a FULL art teacher."

"I AM a FULL art teacher."

At this point she sort of sighs and is becoming visibly exhausted with me. It seems as though she might think I'm daft or that I'm messing with her. I launch into a diatribe about how drawing things from memory is NOT AT ALL what makes someone an art teacher, an artist, or even a good drawer. I find cause to mention not having been a horse girl nor having drawn lots of horses as a child nor spending time looking at horses, but add that if I had a horse to look at I could draw you a picture that looked very realistic, and went on to criticize my other animals, identifying them as stylized.

I don't even think the horse head that I drew was that horrible.

But anyhow, I think the takeaway here is that Drawing Horses is a key skill.

Maybe someday I'll be a respected educator. 

Mysoginistic Implications

I haven't made a video on YouTube in a while, so I don't often get emails from them. (the new layout is pretty intimidating to me and I've mostly stayed away from the site)

but the other day, someone left me a comment on THIS video.

here's what it said:

"I like your username. It's very clever. Well, sort of. Too bad you're not pretty, though."

It seems like trollingLITE, or maybe an attempt to engage me by pretending like this person wasn't just out to get to me. So this user is saying my username is sort of very clever? Those adjectives pretty much cancel each other out. Whatever.

What I find more interesting and telling is: "Too bad you're not pretty, though."

Too bad I'm not pretty? Would that have baring on my username? On the content on my video? The video is about the juxtaposition of the book I'm reading to the electrical grid behind me. There needn't be a person in the video at all, save for the fact that I wanted the book to be being read.

Why the hell does it matter if I'm pretty or not? Am I trying to model? To win a beauty contest? To attract suitors? 

No. 

I don't care whether randos on the internet think I'm ugly, but the phrasing implies that something would be improved if my looks were more agreeable to the commentor. What should be improved? Nothing. That, as a woman, I must live up to some abstract beauty ideal is ridiculous, and it strikes me as misogynistic.

Jay and Silent Bob and Kevin Smith

So I recently, per advice of a close friend, began listening to the Jay and Silent Bob Get Old and Jay and Silent Bob Get Jobs podcasts. I also watched or rewatched most all of the View Askew movies.

In the movies, the character Jay (played by Jason Mewes) is pretty mean to the character Silent Bob (played by Kevin Smith).

In the podcasts, Kevin Smith is excruciatingly mean to Jason Mewes.

The character Jay is based on actual Jason Mewes, so in this thought experiment, let's meld them together, shall we?

So: Kevin Smith bullies Jay bullies Silent Bob.

If there was an alternate universe in which both Kevin Smith and Silent Bob existed, how would they interact? Would he bully him worse than he bullies Jay? Not as much?

Would they be pals like the dog and the mouse are on all those cartoons also involving a cat?

by the time you realize why they are all crazy, it is already too late for you.

You win, pop musicians.

I am not a big fan of the Black Eyed Peas (hilariously, my dad is) or Lady Gaga (unsurprisingly, my mom is), but today and yesterday I've gained a lot of respect for the latter, and for will.i.am.

Someone posted an Adele vs Lady Gaga gif yesterday, and I went searching for the interview it was taken from. After watching it, I've gained loads of respect for her.

Like, I now DO believe you are an artist and a scholar. Good on you, Gaga.

Also, she ISN'T ugly, surprisingly... she just uses makeup to obscure what she really looks like. It's the ingenious plan that KISS had. You probably wouldn't realize it if you passed her on the street.

And she used to have this Alanis Morrissette thing going on.

And then I heard an interview today about will.i.am riding his segway (hilarious) and being inspired to create a tv show with the goal of changing kids' lives through technology. Dude, really? I'm into that.

Pop celebrities, I thought you were all just vapid party people. Forgive me.

I Was a Genius.

Igby is a bit of a bulimic. I don't think it's for any concern for her figure, and I don't think she purges intentionally. It's just that she hasn't figured out how to pace herself when eating.

When I think of it and have the time, I limit her consumption by just putting out a small amount of kibble at once. This is super annoying. I don't have a dog because they're too dependent. I needed to find a better way.

I started searchingbthe internet for automatic or cat-powered food dispensers. I was intrigued by this hamster-ball looking thing, but I didn't like the idea of a non-stationary feeding device.

On instructables I found an awesome food dispenser mod, and decided I should go out and buy the little feeding dish base and make it.

Before I got that far, however, I was struck with a far simpler idea. I often see Igby reaching her little paw underneathe some cabinet to retreive kibble she'd knocked there. If I put a bunch of food in something she couldn't get her face in, it would slow her down and solve my problem. BAM.

tl;dr: jars are handy in so many ways.