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I love all these guys so much.

Maybe your attitude is the problem.

Maybe 30 minutes ago I found myself standing in line at the Breugger's in Troy. Breugger's is a regional chain of bagel shops, and there was a one-day-only no-strings-attached coupon for 6 free bagels. Some other people in line made mention of the people trying to get in, and I realized the door was locked because this specific Breugger's closes at 5. One of the other people in line, a girl I've had in class when I substitute, mentioned that she doesn't blame them, as she wouldn't want to have a shop open any later at this location.

The Troy Breugger's is around the corner from a major bus stop, the library, the court, and an all-girls college. This is NOT the epitome of unsafe in Troy.

Her comment sparked a big and semi heated discussion between myself and several other women in line, about feeling safe in Troy, businesses staying open later than 5 or 6, things for teenagers to do, and drugs and violence. One very outspoken woman had the opinion that businesses in Troy SHOULDN'T stay open late, that no one SHOULD be out after dark, and that it is entirely the kids' and their families' fault that they don't end up participating in the athletic activities provided for them. Seriously, every activity she mentioned had to do with sports. What if the kids don't LIKE sports? I never did, but I was PLENTY involved as a young person.

And what about the kids who don't want to participate? Isn't that what keeping eateries and the like open late is for? Some place to go and sit and flirt? Sure, maybe they'll fight, but that's when they get kicked out. "Take it outside."

I really wanted to say something to this woman about considering where they're going wrong with trying to reach kids. Maybe your approach is the problem. If you are really so ready to just throw up your hands and say 'oh well,' I really think you need to find a different organization to align yourself with.

I really think what we have here is a terrible case of fear mongering. These people were talking about where I live now, and also where I used to live in Albany, saying how these places are scary. I lived in Albany for 3 years; I'm going on my fourth year living in Troy. I have never once felt my life was in danger. ONCE I had a run in with a neighbor about my chickens. ONCE my house was egged.

I think that the desire to flee and the attitude of fear are a huge part of the problem here. I believe in the broken window theory, and I think that keeping businesses open can only help to make the streets feel safer.....and I already don't think they feel altogether unsafe.

Just last night I was recording a video about how if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem. I think these ladies are part of the problem, and I find it rather disheartening.

-------

Last night I had a dream that there was a movie theater open in downtown Troy. While this is yet to be a reality, I am psyched about the Co-op that just opened! Read more here.

Ira Glass on Storytelling

This is SUCH good advice it is blowing my mind. Even more so that this advice is free and on the internet. I love and respect Ira Glass so highly and This American Life definitely has an influence on my storytelling.

Ba dum CHT.

If you've ever seen me hit a table with each hand and then my elbow, you'll understand why I love this so much.

Mob Boss

I don't usually accept jobs subbing for kindergarten or pre-k if I know that's what I'd be getting into. I'm sure I've mentioned this before.

I did not realize that such-and-such a teacher was a Kindergarten teacher, so I accepted this job. Overall, it wasn't too terrible. I do hate tying shoes and fielding absurd remarks, but for kindergarten, they were pretty good kids.

That alone is not worth mentioning. What is, however, is Santino.

Santino is a little boy with big eyes and a long dark ponytail who somehow has the respect and devotion of every other kid in the class.

Santino says things like: "Oh snap!" and "You're not the boss of me!"

I take it that this latter remark is because he is the boss of everyone else. It was absolutely ridiculous to see the other kids pandering to him. "Santino, watch this!" "Santino, do you like my drawing?" Instead of looking to me for what to do, the kids would ask Santino.

Near the end of the day when the kids were in their special, Santino came into the classroom just as I was leaving to pick the class up. He held a bathroom pass in his hand. "Do you have permission to be here?" I asked. He said he did and I told him to just stay. When I went to pick the class up, the special area teacher told me that kindergartners are usually not allowed to go to the bathroom because they do crazy things like walk all the way to the other side of the building to use the bathroom in their classroom. Apparently Santino had been convincing about his maturity. The special area teacher seemed concerned when I confirmed that I had left him in the classroom alone. In retrospect, it seems like the wrong choice, but I was confused and didn't want to be late to pick up the class, or have a student pee in his pants.

When we returned to the classroom, Santino was nowhere to be found. The other students immediately started freaking out. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SANTINO IS GONE!"

I panicked a little too, but luckily before I could even call anyone, he returned. He had gone to give back the bathroom pass.

I couldn't help but think of Scarface School Play all day, and I only felt a little bad about this when Santino came and gave me a big hug before he left for the day.

Chatroulette / Merton / Ben

Have you seen this?

What about this?

Attn: Video Editors

How can I get this effect? (Using Final Cut Express)

Venting blog 25Million: Copyright

I am so frustrated right now.

The other night we all went down to the music building and jammed. We do this many nights. It's what we do. I even jammed; I brought my ukulele.

At some point, I handed my Flip camera to this woman who was hanging out. I asked her to take some video once we got playing, and she happily agreed to.

At the end of the night, as we all packed up our instruments and started heading back to our rooms, one guy, let's call him Rajesh, stopped me.

"You got some video?" he sounded excited.

"Oh, yea, I asked her to film some."

"Well can I see it?" still sounding excited.

"Of course. I'll put it on the internet --- that is, of course, unless you'd rather I didn't. I know some people are funny about that."

"Right. I'm one of those people. I'm funny about that. I'll need to see it before it goes on the internet."

Admittedly, I've thought myself into a box here in terms of video sharing. "But in order for you to see it, it will have to be on the internet."

"Can't you play it from that right there?"

I took out my camera and played him the last clip. Rajesh held it up to his ear and commented that it sounds great, and to put it on the internet. This was Sunday.

No one stayed out Monday because of the late Saturday and Sunday nights, so I stayed in and finished editing my Travel Vlog. I thought about uploading the stuff from the music building, but I didn't get around to it. Just not high on my priorities.

Today (Tuesday) at dinner, he comes and sits next to me. Not sitting next to me to eat dinner with me, but sitting next to me with his jacket on and nothing in his hands, like he wants to tell me something. I assume he's going to say something about bringing some instrument to the music building tonight, something like that.

"Oh, hey. Did you put those videos on the internet yet?"

"No, I haven't had a chance."

"OK, because I'm going to need to see them before you do."

At this point, something inside me snaps. Interacting with this guy is usually pretty awkward, as he sometimes takes things too literally. I'm going to do that annoying thing and say that I think he's on the spectrum.

Little tiny fencers start jabbing the insides of my brains. I want to smack this guy.

I stare at him in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, the other night you told me to go ahead and put them up."

"Yeah, but now I'm thinking about it, and that was a bad idea."

"I don't know how you are going to see them large format without me putting them on the internet."

Now he's frustrated with me. "You just have to go get a cord and plug your camera into a computer. This place is like, computer-central."

"Fine."

He sits there staring at me, not sure if my 'Fine' was a consent. I start to tear little pieces off my buttered roll and shove them into my mouth.

"So...are you going to?"

"Yeah, but right now I'm going to finish my dinner. And to be honest, I'm really frustrated because you gave me your yes the other day. What if I had put it on the internet already?"

"But you haven't, so it's OK."

"Whatever."

"It might be whatever to you, but it matters to me."

"Yeah, but what if I had already put it up?"

"Well, then, maybe I'd ask you to take it down."

For another five minutes he sort of stared at me while I ate, repeatedly asking me in different ways whether or not I was going to be posting this without his approval. I asserted that indeed, I'd show him on the computer after I was done with my dinner. Finally, he went away. I wanted to scream, but all I was afforded was raised eyebrows at someone else sitting with us.

After I put my dinner things away I began heading toward the computer lounge, and I ran into him right outside of the dining hall. It took a lot of energy to formulate a nice way to speak to him.

"Um, if you have a minute, I can show you this on the computer. I've got some time now."

He was standing with another one of the people we play music with. Let's call this other guy Carlos. "OK" and to Carlos: "let's go watch this."

The three of us make our way into the computer lab, and to be quite honest, I have no hope for these videos actually playing. Yes my camera plugs into a USB port, but I had tried to watch some videos on YouTube earlier in the residency, and while the sound was fairly consistent, the picture was extraordinarily jumpy.

As the computer recognized my camera and I opened the first file, he said "Alright Carlos, let's check this out."

Not "let's check this out" like when I say: "hey, check this out! This is awesome!" No, more like when an overfed pasty policeman spots a young black male duck into an alleyway. There was something faux-authoritarian and accusatory in his statement that really grated on me.

I tried to play the video files straight off my camera, but the sound cut in and out and the picture was jumpy, even worse than the YT videos I had tried to play earlier. I tried to copy the files to the desktop, and as the time for them to copy was about 9 minutes, Rajesh decided to check his e-mail at another computer.

I started to explain to Carlos my two YouTube accounts, and how I would be uploading this to my second account, where there are only 9 subscribers, and I upload whatever crap I want. Rajesh looked over and said, "let's just try to figure this out right now." As though, somehow, my killing the 9 minutes was wasted time, but him checking his e-mail was completely acceptable.

The pinwheel of death indicated to me that I should 'Force Quit' Finder, and then I found myself trying to explain to Rajesh that it wasn't that there was a problem with my video, but that this computer just didn't seem to be able to handle playing them.

I finally copied one of the files to the desktop and opened it with little hope for it to play smoothly. My expectations were met. It played just slightly better than when I attempted to play it straight off the camera. I internally cringed a bit because the woman who filmed this for me had used the zoom, which makes the poor-quality footage (a side effect of low lighting) even worse. Rajesh asked me to just let the video play, and I tried to explain that I was, that the computer was making it jumpy. Frustrated at not being able to hear it all the way through, Rajesh said, "why don't we just say 'don't'? It is amateurish anyway."

The quality of the video was such that his likeness was barely recognizable, and he was one of maybe 7 musicians contributing to the sound, one of two musicians playing his particular instrument.

I couldn't help it. I had to pry.

"Is it because you don't want your likeness on there? Because you can hardly see you anyhow."

"This is how I make my living and I can't have anything like this out there."

"I wasn't going to attach your name with it anyhow."

"Either way, I don't want it on there."

"OK, that's fine, but you should know, I may use a clip that just shows me playing."

"No, because that still has me on there. You can't put that on there without my consent."

"I don't understand. It won't have your name attached, no one will be able to see your face, no one will know it is you playing. It could be anyone playing."

"Just because you bought a $100 camera does not give you the right to post videos of my art on the internet! What gives you the right to say it could be just anyone? It is my creation and you do not have the right to put it on there."

"I'm not trying to argue property laws with you. I just don't get why you don't want me to put it on there. I don't understand how it would be detrimental to your career if your face and name are not associated with it."

"It's just that I want a say at what things I create do and do not get put on the internet. I've had to ask people to take things down before."

The anger started to become audible in my response. "Fine. Then I'll put the footage of me playing with the sound removed. Your face won't be in it. Your playing won't be in it. Nothing of you!"

He stared at me. Just stared like he was doing at dinner. Stared like he didn't believe me. Stared like he thought I was just telling him what he wanted to hear and that I was going to go do what I wanted.

I returned his stare with an exasperated, pained expression. "I DON'T BULLSH%T!"

This seemed to satisfy him. Not only that, but it also seemed to put him in a cheery mood. "Thanks!" As he walked out of the computer lab, I looked at some other student trying to convey in my glance that my head was about to explode. Rajesh stopped in the doorway and looked at me before walking away.

I usually don't ask permission when I record. I try to not record anything I think people would be upset about, and I would of course comply if someone asked me to remove something. The thing is, my scope isn't really large enough for people to get upset. I understand that Rajesh has the right to say whether or not his stuff goes on the internet, but his reasons were bullisht. It isn't going to ruin your career if NO ONE COULD KNOW THAT IT WAS YOU. I don't even know his last name. I would understand if he was singing, but he was merely contributing a small amount of the instrumentation. NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

What else is ridiculous? So many people are desperate for their video to reach many people, and this guy is upset about the probably-less-than-9 views this video, uploaded on my second channel, would receive.

I made this angry music playlist for times like this.

So. Many. Good. Videos. Lately.

5 Second Films. Slogan? Wasting your time, but not very much.

"...and I don't / use enough / jumpcuts."

Christmas Facts with Hank and John in the same room.
Gesticulation NOW.


Bill covers the Beach Boys and sweetly serenades YouTube.

No shave forever.

Don't shave your beard.







just sayin'.

I love New York

In a two stop tour including London and New York, I'm super-glad to live so close to the city.

Here's hoping it doesn't snow anything serious.

Who? Why....Alex Day and Tom Milsom, of course....

Mac v. PC. v. Everyone (EXPLICIT)

With Hands!

I'd like to draw your attention back over to the With Hands blog. I've finished my semester and created some products that you can enjoy (for free!) if you surf over thataway.

distorted self-image

We know that doing damaging things to our bodies has been in high fashion for many years. (Consider the corset or perhaps chinese foot binding). Though these were physically damaging, were they as emotionally damaging as the impossible ideals our society has set?

I once spent a good six months trying to convince a close friend that the girls in myspace pictures were not more pretty than her, they just were wearing more makeup.

Thanks computers.

And take a look at this monstrosity.

Kanye West is a little kid, or little kids are Kanye West

MTV Shows

If that doesn't work, try this.
This is one of those instances where a bad thing happens to you, but you get the benefit of more attention because of it.

...and then I stop eating.

Sometimes, when my kitchen gets really messy, I just look for already-prepared or just-heat-me-up sort of foods. When I eat all of those, I sometimes more or less stop eating.
I cleaned my kitchen the other day. A clean kitchen just begs to be used. I used it to make bread. Mmmmmm....

and a video.

Health Care Reform Thought Bubble

Visual by thoughtbubble.org, Audio by John Green

mmmmmm...St. Vincent

She used to be in the Polyphonic Spree. It makes sense.

Seattle: A cappella performance

A cappella Seattle from Emily Armstrong on Vimeo.

Why am I soft in the middle?

Some people just don't recognize a good Paul Simon quote when they hear one.