What is art? A video essay in two parts.

You down with OPC? Thoughts on babysitting as a twenty something

is for Children.

I've agreed to babysit for several days. This isn't much different from my usual position, babysitting a teacher's class, except that it occurs within a home, is less structured, and affords me no breaks.

Unlike when I was 12 and babysitting, now watching someone else's kids makes me a little bit sad. I look at their beautiful life and their beautiful children, and read their children an Henri Matisse story book which I begin to think might be boring separated from an art lesson, and I just die a little inside when a very cute insightful little boy makes precocious observations.

For example: comparing a more classical Matisse painting with a more Matisse-like Matisse painting, he identifies that the more classical one seems more realistic because of the texture. Texture! I would be excited if I heard an 8th grade make that comment! This is what my kid will be like....if I ever do have kids.

Also things that make me sad are other people's home ownerships.

.....I would really like to own a home.

So I am babysitting for a group of kids, only one of which lives in the house where this is taking place. One mom dropped off her little boy, who I noticed had a wet spot on the crotch of his pants. The spot was about the size of a quarter, and seemed pretty high. I give him the benefit of the doubt and think...oh that is too high to be pee. Pee happens a little lower in boys.

But then I remember that he is 4 and maybe pee doesn't happen so low for him.

This notion was confirmed later in the day when he asked me to turn the sink water on for him so he could wash his hands post peeing. He is quite short.

He was already in the process of peeing when I answered his call, door wide open. When he was done peeing, and he had certainly peed all over his...self, I asked him if he was going to wipe (because it appeared that this wasn't in his plans).

"No, I...I, My mom, my mommy says, I, when I pee, my mommy says when I pee I don't have to wipe."

Wet spot mystery: solved.

Discussions on a Fort from Me on Vimeo.

R.I.P. Merce Cunningham

You lived a good life.

"Do *you* have any crystals?"

Whilst subbing today I got into a conversation with a rather heavy-set and socially awkward boy. The conversation began with the boy complimenting my ring. What kind of stone is it? he asks. I told him that it was sea glass, and he began to describe to me all of the crystals that he owns. He held his hand about shoulder height. "And one this big..."

I asked him if he just liked collecting them, knowing that this wasn't the case. He told me that crystals have a spiritual significance to him.

I asked him if he had ever heard of Devendra Banhart. He said he thought so. I told him about the crystal budget.

Not surprisingly, this boy is big into fantasy, 'dragons and all that.' He told me that he is currently in the process of writing ten books. He told me that his mother got him into all of it, that she is also a writer, but she likes fantasy that includes vampires. This apparently is too much for him. When asked about Twilight (which I have not seen the end of), he made a disgusted face, told me that he had seen it, and that his mother watches it "forty times a day."

Totally possible.

This boy tells me that he bakes bread, crochets, works on cars....he goes on and on about all of the things I could wish a person would do.

I should mention that he asked me what I do for a pastime, and I told him I like to make things.

This whole exchange was starting to have the awkward-first-date vibe, you know, the date I would totally go on with an unattractive socially awkward boy 7 years my junior. Then came the clincher.
He started telling me about all of the things he has learned from his mother, skills mostly. Then, he started mentioning the activities he does with his father, skills he learns from his father. It was starting to seem that he had great respect for the man. He started rattling off the hats that his father wears: "...yea, he's a plumber, a mechanic, an all around handyman, an adulterer..."

I beg your pardon?


In other news, I accidentally shot a roll of slide film. This isn't really a big deal, but it freaked out the CVS photolab attendant after the film was processed. Until this point, neither he nor I realized that the film wasn't standard C-41. Woops.

While I was waiting for this to happen, I sat in a chair near the doorway reading a book. I believe these chairs are for people waiting for their prescriptions. A man in his late fifties with a hard face, no eyebrows, and a winter (hobo?) hat came in, hit me on the knee and said (in a thick accent): "I hope you no read dirty books!"
I beg your pardon?
"I hope you no read dirty books, I say"

I screwed my face up into the best disgusted look I could muster. He started stammering about being "only kidding."

So I did what any self respecting person would do. I scolded him as though he were a middle school student who honestly didn't know any better.

...."That's really inappropriate. You don't even know me. You should not joke with strangers that way."

Kids always love to say that they are kidding when they get in trouble for something that they do. You can't be retroactively kidding. It doesn't work that way.

Also not possible: to be kidding about a physical action.


Don't you wish you had an extra $150 dollars lying around? I know I do.

Hahaha

Don't tell me you don't know about Marcel Duchamp.